Is it because of society or is she programmed for it?  Ours is a society where notions of what constitutes ‘idealistic behavior’ for a woman is clearly stipulated from childhood and is reinforced again and again all her life.


She is expected to think of others first before herself; to always give, not expect anything in return. In terms of domestic affairs, she shoulders responsibility for everything and for everyone at home. In trying to meet up social expectations from her, she, most times, undermines her self-esteem. Is it any wonder then that she continually blames herself when things go wrong? Be it a bad marriage, a mentally-retarded child, infertility, divorce, termination, failure, even rape and sexual abuse- she is always at the receiving end of blame. It always starts with “where did I go wrong?” She feels guilty if she does better in her career than her husband. When her husband is caught cheating, she blames herself for neglecting her role at home, thus leading the man ‘outside’. Oftentimes, she is accused of nagging and when the ultimate happens to the man, ‘oh! She is responsible!’ etcetera. The list is endless.

Why live with this all-consuming guilt? It is more important that a woman deals with these feelings. She should react to them in a sensible way. The first step is to stop having unreal exceptions. Accept her limitations. Have a positive self-image. It is important for a woman to strike a balance between rational and emotional situations. Once she starts accepting herself for what she is, it will be easier for her to be assertive and honest about her relationships and situations.

“As I release myself form Outer Guilt and Denial, I get in touch with joy of my inner SOCIOPATH.”
Most women have been made to believe that they are nothing more than a doormat. A doormat is:
i.A small piece of strong material near a door that people can clean their shoes or (ii) informally; persons who allow other people to treat them badly but usually do not complain.”
You’ll note that the dictionary meaning of doormat has two distinctive words ‘Strong’ and Clean’.

A woman is an all compromising being programmed to bear a lot of burden. Don’t get me wrong here. But how do you translate conceptions? Is it travails and the eventual problems of child bearing? Or learning to multitask as a wife, mother and a career woman or even as a part-time worker? This is truth.
Sometimes the walls of a woman’s daily routine closes in on her tightly, she feels that a few embers of life is being squeezed out of her. Day after day she struggles with keeping her sanity. Well, darling, how could she have kept up the charades? If she were not strong, she’d probably fall to pieces like a pack of cards. We hit the pillows at night completely exhausted.

Let’s get real now. We all know that we African Women are expected to bear the burden of all menial duties in the home, not expecting any help from the men…? They believe they are programmed only to provide the means and the tasks for us to organize, abi?

Please, clean up, ladies. You deserve better than to be treated like a doormat. How can you share love or care for what everybody coming through the door is putting on? They wipe muddy shoes, stinking and sticky shoes, and innuendo shoes; take it or leave it, shoes all on you! Woman, thou shall be loosed! Don’t let family, friends, colleagues, society and most especially culture deprive you of your sanity? You bring out this strong material you are made of and shake out the entire grime and brain washing stigma that the society wants you to accept. Don’t feel guilty to stand for what you believe in, mind you, as long as it’s rationally acceptable norm in that specific environment. You are a woman fearfully made to accolade the masculinity of this world. They can’t do without us.

No Comments

Leave a Comment